French Kiss Review: The Right Amount of Tongue

This is a sponsored post.

Sometimes the toys that are the strangest to look at end up being some of the most memorable. The French Kiss, also know as the Tongue Couple Massage Rose Toy, is an external stimulator/vibrator that looks a little silly and works wonderfully. It’s also a reminder not to judge a toy by the fact that it looks like a Muppet. I’m thrilled that Ootyemo sent me this toy to review, because it was a lot of fun.

First Impressions

The French Kiss comes in a simple white box with an image of the toy.

French kiss outer box

We’ve already discussed my opinions on “give you sexy hands,” so we can ignore that.

Inside the box, you get the French Kiss itself along with a charging cable and storage bag, plus some instructions. The original instruction card was not in English so they sent me the English instructions as well.

French kiss with accessories

Now we need to look at the French Kiss…from all angles.

The toy is ring-shaped, creating a handle. The business end of the toy has a tongue that moves back and forth, and there are soft silicone edges surrounding the tongue. Two buttons control the movement of the tongue and the vibrator itself. It charges via magnetic induction. The silicone edges around the tongue are very flexible.

And yup, when you look at it this way, it looks like a Muppet.

Shocked muppet face: with the magnetic induction points as eyes, the rest forms a big open mouth

This made me cackle uncontrollably when I first noticed it, and then I had to show pictures to my friends, who all also laughed. Several said they could never use a sex toy that looked back at them, but I’m not so narrow-minded. If there’s anything this blog should indicate, it’s that I’ll try almost anything once. 

This isn’t even in the top five of weirdest toys I’ve used. So now let’s talk about how the French Kiss (Muppet) performs.

In Use

The main draw of the French Kiss is the tongue, as indicated in its name. As someone who appreciates physical contact at least as much as vibration (if not more), I was excited by the toy’s design. It was easy to line up the toy so that tongue would move up and down over my clit.

I quickly realized that this toy benefits from lubrication. The silicone tongue itself is firm, and without the benefit of lube, it gets draggy very quickly. That’s not a fun sensation on a sensitive area. 

With lube, though, the tongue is amazing. Pushing the button gives a range of speeds and patterns, and I enjoyed cycling through different ones.

In addition to the tongue, the whole housing vibrates with the use of the other button. The lowest vibration setting is a strong, intensely buzzy pulsing pattern, almost more than I wanted to handle. But it worked great for a fast, strong orgasm.

The other times I used this toy, I stayed away from the vibrations because they were stronger than I wanted. I prefer the direct tongue movement. But for the speed round, vibrations will get you there.

Kudos and Caveats

Kudos for a ring-shaped vibrator, which is a neat design.

Additional kudos for a physical silicone tongue that moves, providing a different kind of stimulation than vibration. For those of us who like that kind of contact, this delivers beautifully.

Building on those previous kudos, this is different than my other toys, and I have a lot of other toys.

Caveat: It looks like a Muppet, and there’s no way around this truth. 

Additional caveat: Make sure you use lube (water-based only), or your clit will probably get sore quickly. 

Kudos for waterproofing! It’s great to have a toy to take in the bath or shower. It also makes cleanup a cinch.

Caveat: the vibrator in this is strong and buzzy, which might be your jam but it might not be. It’s also not very quiet.

Kudos for pricing. At $53 from Ootyemo, this is a really well-priced toy that is an excellent stimulator.

Final Thoughts

I have to admit that I really like the French Kiss. There’s something delightful about physical stimulation that isn’t vibration or suction now and then. Vibration and suction are both lovely, but the sensation of that silicone moving back and forth is one of my favorites. I found myself going for this toy quite a bit after my preliminary testing. While the appearance may be a bit strange, it’s also friendly and not intimidating. The design is different than other toys I have, too, so cheers for novelty. I strongly recommend giving the French Kiss a try!

I received this toy in exchange for my honest review. This is a sponsored post, which does not affect the honesty of my review. At this time, affiliate links are not being used in this review.

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