This Satisfyer Multifun review is not a celebration. No, in the world of hits and misses, the Multifun is a giant miss. This designation of “terrible sex toy” encompasses the Multifun 1 and Multifun 2, so negligibly different as to be practically the same toy, and both full of sadness. This review is a full-on, detailed roast. My sadness is your entertainment. Strap in.
Out of the Box
The box for the Multifuns is traditional Satisfyer-style, with a picture of the toy and its name on the front.
The back includes lots of images of how you can use the toy.
Oh, trust me. We’ll come back to this image.
The Multifun 1 and 2 are horseshoe-shaped vibrators designed to stimulate one or two people, either during intercourse or solo play.
The Multifun 1 and 2, as you can see, are very similar. The 2 (pink) is bigger, and the tips on each are different in shape and pinchiness.
They are each made of a soft silicone, and they contain several vibrators: one at the base and one at each of the tips. There are two buttons that control these. The buttons cycle through a variety of intensities and patterns. The pink 2 has the buttons to control each on the same plane. The blue 1 has the buttons on either side of a ridge, as shown below.
The tips of the blue 1 pinch together, with the idea that you could pinch it onto some sensitive body part.
Both charge through magnetic charging. The two magnetic attachment points are at the bottom of each toy. With magnetic charging, both Multifun vibes are completely waterproof.
Onto My Box
I was intrigued when I first got these toys, but the more I handled them for photographs, the more bewildered I became. So I took another look at the suggestions on the back of the box. I numbered them to discuss one at a time in this post.
Here are your options, presented with description and some mild commentary. More commentary later when I describe what I actually tried.
- Stimulate Your Hand. I think that’s what it’s asking me to do here. Just… hold it.
- Penis mode, pinchers on the balls. Slide it onto the penis, and… maneuver the arms onto the sides of the testicles. The only difference between options 2 and 4 are that 2 shows the arms on the sides of the testicles, which then… pinch the testicles, right? This seems like a bad plan.
- Penis mode, pinchers up. This is the inverted version of option 2, where the body of the toy is hanging from the dick and the arms are up above it.
- Penis mode, Don’t pinch the balls. Option 2, only with the arms/pinchers resting safely in front of the testicles.
- Vulva mode, The G-Spot. Apparently for this option, I should push the arms of the toy into my vagina, and it will somehow stimulate the g-spot.
- Vulva mode, pinchin’ the clit. This method has me pinch my clit vertically between the arms of the Multifun while the body of the toy sticks out perpendicular to my body.
- Breast mode. Use the Multifun like a nipple clamp.
- Penis mode: Perineum. I think this asks a penis-owner to rest the toy against the perineum so the vibrator can stimulate that area as well as the anus and testicles. I hope it isn’t pinching the middle of the testicles to hold it in place, but damn, the pic looks like that.
- Vulva mode, pinchin’ the clit + cock. Pinch the clit horizontally between the arms of the multifun while resting the body of the toy up against the mons. Stick a dick in the vagina. It is unclear if that dick is attached to a person or is, perhaps, a dildo.
- Vulva mode: pinchin’ the clit 2, electric boogaloo. Option 9 but without any cock.
- Vulva mode: No pinch, just vibe. Rest the u-shaped bottom of the toy against the clit.
- Hetero Partner Mode 1. Use the Multifun like a cock ring.
- Hetero Partner Mode 2. See #12, but do it in another position.
- Hetero Partner Mode 3. Just hold the damn thing against her clit, you lazy fuck.
I tried all the modes of this toy for vulva owners. I’ll go into the specifics of each “position” in a moment, but let me first talk about the toys.
Silicone is awesome. Waterproofing is awesome. The design of this toy? Not awesome. The vibrators, whether in the tips or in the body of the toy, were super buzzy. Buzzy vibes feel itchy and weird to me, and this was no exception.
“But Elia,” you say. “Surely in those 14 positions, you must have found one that worked for you!”
“Hell no,” I reply, and again I echo, “Helllllllll nooooooooooooo.”
The weight of the toy is just too heavy for it to stay on my nipples. The pink “low pinch” option wouldn’t grip at all, and the blue “super pinch” option still slowly ripped itself right off as soon as I turned on the vibrator or moved my body in any way.
The shape of this toy is all wrong for penetration. If I try to push both arms into my vagina, it spreads me open like a speculum while simultaneously stimulating nothing at all. I can only insert about an inch, and it pushes itself out immediately.
I wasn’t sure if the diagram was trying to have me insert one arm into my vagina and one into my anus, but if so, I say “Begone, Satan.” That is 1) Impossible, given the distance I personally have between my holes, 2) Super pinchy, even if I could manage it, 3) Completely unsanitary, encouraging a bacteria fiesta in my bits.
We are not here for bacteria fiesta.
Clit Pinch Variations
Reader, I could not get this fucker to pinch my clit. The pink one wouldn’t grip at all. The blue one, while grippy, was curved in all the wrong places. Either the tips pushed in too far, or if I flipped it over, the arms pushed in too far, and I couldn’t make anything line up, and it was all slippery, and it kept popping off. This happened regardless of the position of the body of the toy, and trust me, I tried them all.
I did get it to properly clamp on once, but once I turned the vibration on, the intensity of the clamp plus the buzziness of the vibration was a quick trip to Fuck no-ville, population Elia.
Cock Ring Style
I didn’t have a stunt cock for use, so I slid this thing onto a dildo. I have some generously sized dildos, and only the biggest filled the ring. Most penises would not fill this ring. The Multifun would stay on, but it would flop and slide. At least, mine flopped and slid around with thrusting motions. Of all the positions, this was the only one that had some merit. If my partner wore this, I could probably come if they rubbed against me enough and I could overcome the buzzy vibe.
Just Fucking Hold It
I finally tried just holding the damn thing against my clit. It’s an awkward toy to hold. The vibrations on the tips were okay, but buzzy. The vibrations from the bottom of the U were way to diffuse to do anything for me.
Who Would Like This?
Reader, when I really don’t like a toy, I try to think about who might be a good candidate for it. In this case, I have to be honest: nobody should buy this toy. The design is flawed, the vibrations are buzzy and not even very strong, and if you want a cock ring, there are better ones.
Okay, I have one idea. If you are in a Dom/sub relationship where the sub has a clit, and your mutual kink is punishment through unpleasant orgasms, you might want this toy. In that case, I recommend managing to pinch it onto the sub’s clit and turning it on. They might have orgasms, but they’ll be unpleasant and uncomfortable at the same time. Not even in the “forced orgasm” way. Just in the “wow, this feels kind of shitty” way.
Satisfyer makes some amazing toys, including my all-time favorite toy, the Satisfyer Pro Penguin. Buy that. Buy literally anything but this.
If, for some reason, you still want to buy the Multifun 1 or 2, you can find them at Luvoqa or SheVibe. They are $49.95. Just a reminder, you could get a Satisfyer Pro Penguin for the EXACT SAME PRICE.
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