Bloomi Massage Review: Vibes In Bloom

I’m pleased to see that vibrators are becoming easier to access. I’m on the blog today writing a review of the Bloomi Massage, a handheld external clitoral and body vibrator now being stocked at Target! Of course, many folks in the new puritanical movement are clutching their pearls about it, but I’m thrilled. Not like any of us needed anything else to impulse-purchase at Target, though, right?

First Impressions

The Bloomi Massage comes in a simple cardstock box with an image of the toy on the outside.

Massage outer box

Inside, the Massage rests in a basic black tray.

Bloomi in tray

Inside the box is the Massage itself along with instructions, a charging cable, and a storage bag.

Massage with accessories

The Massage looks teal in the advertisements, but in hand, it’s much more of a medium gray. The underside has a raised bump for more targeted stimulation. Here are some shots from various angles.

Three buttons control the toy’s intensity. It charges through a stabby port in the side.

With a basic low-medium-high speed setting, the Bloomi Massage is not achieving new realms of complexity. But sometimes things don’t need to have a lot of bells and whistles to get the job done.

In Use

I was pleased that the Bloomi Massage was fairly quiet, even if it wasn’t silent. Its smooth shape fit easily in hand and was comfortable to hold. The vibrations were somewhat buzzy, as I had expected for a vibrator at this price point, but not as annoying or itchy as I’d feared. The power range was decent even with three power settings: high has some strength to it.

I prefer more of a pinpoint stimulation, so I knew the broader ridge of the Massage wasn’t going to be perfect for me. Still, I found it pleasant and effective. For people who are new to vibrators, or those who like broader or more diffused stimulation, this will be a solid purchase. And if you really do want to use it for a massage, it’ll certainly help with those tense muscles.

Kudos and Caveats

Kudos for an intro vibrator that looks friendly and inoffensive. You really could convince someone this is for your neck pain.

Additional kudos for the price point. At between $35 and $40, this is a reasonable investment for a first vibrator or a not-first but versatile vibrator.

More kudos for waterproofing, so you can take the Massage into the bath or shower.

Caveat: I wish the vibrator motor was rumblier than it is. It’s not incredibly buzzy, but the vibrations don’t penetrate as much as I’d like. They feel more surface-level.

Kudos for accessibility. I love seeing this on Target shelves! Let’s normalize sexual health as part of overall health!

Final Thoughts

The Massage from Bloomi is a solid vibrator choice. With quality parts and a decent motor, it’s well-made and reasonably priced. While it can’t compete with more expensive, higher-end vibes, it’s leagues above many questionable discount knock-offs. This is a great choice for someone new to the world of vibrators or someone looking for a basic straightforward vibe to add to their collection.

I received this toy in exchange for my honest review. Affiliate links are being used in this post, and buying a product through these links benefits me and this blog.

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