This review of the Tracy’s Dog Drillme thrusting dildo/vibrator covers quite the gamut, so buckle up.
First, a little framing. I am an Internet Old, so I remember memes like “Dead dove: do not eat,” which is the origins of this gif:
This gif feels particularly relevant as I review a thrusting dildo/vibrator called Drillme, which has zero subtlety and all the enthusiasm one might expect from its name. Tracy’s Dog asked me to review the AI-app enabled version of their toy. Since I am opposed to generally everything AI, I agreed to review it without the AI features, but I am also interested in talking a bit about AI broadly as well.
Let’s dive into it.
First Impressions
The Drillme announces its large, veiny presence right on the box.
If, like me, you’re intrigued rather than repulsed by the unusual extremes of the sex toy world, you’ll crack into this box and unearth a wealth of interesting items.
Not pictured here is the charging cable because I forgot to put it in the pic. In addition to the dildo, you get a storage bag, instructions, lube, a cleansing wipe, and some stickers, plus the aforementioned charging cable. The website mentions a remote control, but mine didn’t come with one. Perhaps because you should use the AI app instead.
Let’s take a closer look at this sex pogo stick.
The thrusting vibrator has a broad suction cup base to affix to a smooth surface and a flexible accordion spring area to provide the thrust. Above that is the highly noticeable rotund ballsack that presumably provides a stopping point for penetration. Finally, there’s the shaft, which aims for realism despite being, you know, bright purple.
The two buttons that control the Drillme are at the base of the shaft. This means the most usable way to control it is via the app.
Some Thoughts on Design
I find the balance of realism and absurdity fascinating in this toy. The suction cup base, the spring, the incredibly spherical balls, all of these convey a sense of unreality. And yet realism remains an advertising stalwart. The website touts this as an “ultra-realistic” design with a “lifelike glans” and “vein-like ridges” for an “authentic feel.”
Folks, I don’t need realism, and if I want it, I don’t want it purple. I’m not mooning over the wrinkles of the spherical ballsack. I am not ogling veins. This is not what entices me on a human penis, and I certainly don’t look for it on a sex toy. And yet all companies, I feel, aim for “realism” when I can’t even see it as it’s doing its work.
Speaking of its work…let’s get to the main event.
In Use
Suction cup dildos require some kind of flat surface to mount it to. My walls are not smooth enough, and my floor is very uncomfortable. I have tried setups with metal loaf pans to allow me to lie on my back. At the end of the day, though, I found that this toy worked best when kneeling over it.
The lowest setting of the Drillme is jackhammer. The thrusting is so fast, there’s no low speed that isn’t lightning tempo. And as I said in the intro, what was I expecting? They don’t call it the BeGentleWithme, or the Nudgeme. They call it the Drillme, and it proceeds apace like the Energizer Bunny attempting to set a land speed record. If this what you’re going for, you’ve found it. I can get behind (over?) this type of fun now and then, and I was able to reach my destination.
Without a remote control, getting a hold of the buttons on the base of the shaft while it’s running short-distance sprints in one’s vagina is an Olympic sport all its own. So, that brings me to the app.
The App, and My AI Thoughts
Tracy’s Dog’s AI app, AIphy, connected easily to the Drillme. Once in the app, you’re supposed to be able to set sensitivity preferences for “gentle” to “fierce.” But it wouldn’t save my preferences. It defaults to “fierce” and then every time I move it to “gentle” and save it, when I reopen the page, it’s back on “fierce.” Since the lowest setting of the manual control was Indy 500, I’m not certain what “fierce” would be, but I wasn’t about to find out.
I didn’t let the AI control my sex toy, but if I had, I had the option of chatting with “Edward” (a vampire) or “Emma” (an Italian model). All other characters were paywalled in the Pro plan. I could also generate my own characters. But chatting with these characters means they call you. On the phone. I tapped on one out of curiosity to see what the interface was like, and I got a “calling” screen. I am supposed to accept a call and…talk? To an AI-generated character? I am an elder millennial/ young GenXer, and I don’t even want to talk on the phone to people I like.
I had considered trying it if there was a text-based option, at least to see how the app interacted with the toy, but there was no text-only feature. Nothing could make me break through the barrier of talking out loud to a fictional character. I don’t want my voice recorded in some app and turned into marketing material. It’s bad enough AI technology is fundamentally build on theft… and they want me to trust my sexual fantasies, said aloud in my own voice, to some tech? No. Hard pass.
There are other features in the app, like long-distance control, preset modes, and swipe modes. I can also have the toy respond to video or audio content. The video content is two short AI-generated video clips that aren’t sexual, just…people moving around and looking attractive. I was not impressed, and watching AI content at all felt gross, so I exited out. There’s also a tab where I could “chat” with an AI “psychologist” about my sexual fantasies, and I didn’t do that either.
My preferred mode was “Offline mode,” where I could select gentle/moderate/fierce and the jackhammer Grimace dick would fire away with no AI characters trying to call.
The Specific and the Philosophical
I’m skipping kudos and caveats for this one, but I’ll address the main points. The Drillme is sturdy and made of quality silicone, with a solid suction cup and waterproof technology so you can use it in the bath or shower. The thrusting is vigorous and the vibration is strong, although buzzy. If you want an absolute pounding with two-inch thrusts going a mile a minute, this is your toy. The Drillme is here to accommodate you. The shaft is a good size. The spherical ballsack is both a medical mystery and a peripherally decent clit stimulator. The buttons are inaccessible, but if you get a remote control with yours, that likely doesn’t matter.
But the AI features leave me unsettled. I’m a claimant in the Anthropic lawsuit because they stole all ten of my books and used them to train their slop-machine. Now my phone is trying to talk dirty to me using the same technology– hell, maybe even the same large language model. The app is full of artistic renderings of characters made by technology that stole the work of countless artists in order to exist. It’s profoundly unsexy, and I don’t want it in bed with me.
If you feel similarly, but you want that purple dick pounding, you can get your Drillme for only $49.99 without the AI app. If you don’t care, or you enjoy talking on the phone to people who aren’t real — hey, at least they aren’t here to ask about your car’s extended warranty — the app-enabled version is $72.99. And if this kind of toy doesn’t appeal to you, remember, there’s always the OG Pro 2.
You can get any of these toys directly from Tracy’s Dog.
I received this toy in exchange for my honest review. Affiliate links are being used in this post, and buying a product through these links benefits me and this blog.