The Wide World Of… Sex Toys: Part 2

Posted on May 19, 2013 by Elia Winters

Welcome to Part 2 of the Wide World of Sex Toys! If you’ve missed Part 1, you can find it here. This post comes to celebrate National Masturbation Month, occurring right now (right now!) in May. Once you finish reading this post, feel encouraged to celebrate this fine month of self-love.

Vibrators

Things That Go “Buzz” In The Night

I’ll bet that for most women, their first purchased toy was a vibrator. And there’s a reason: homemade dildos are easy, but homemade vibrators are a bit more challenging. Personally, I got my start as a vibrator fan through those squiggle pens. Hilariously, when I Googled “squiggle pen” just now, this link came up first: apparently I wasn’t the only person using these pens for more than writing notes. I’ve also heard electric toothbrushes are a decent substitute, but in today’s market, buying an actual vibrator is probably cheaper.

There are so many different types of vibrators with so little in common that they barely fit in the same category.

“Kind Of Looks Like A Penis” Insertable Models

Pink Lemonade Smoothie VibratorStandard cylindrical models are cheapest and simplest, and are a good starter model for the inexperienced toy-buyer. Some women prefer internal vibration, and some prefer external vibration. If you don’t know which one you are, then the basic vibrator (which can be used for either) will help you figure it out.

“Doesn’t Look At All Like A Penis, At Least Not An Earth Penis” Insertable Models

Nosy Toyfriend Silicone Waterproof VibratorSome insertable vibrators are curved for g-spot stimulation, or are shaped like cute animals for some reason, or are somehow otherwise different from a penis. It’s okay. They still work the same way as the ones that do look like penises.

“Sure, It’s My Back Massager” Models

Magic WandSome vibrators are specifically designed for external stimulation. The Magic Wand is probably the most popular, and while I’ve never given it a go myself, it’s popularity cannot be disputed. You can purchase a variety of attachments to give it some variety, but even at its most basic, it’s the Cadillac of plug-in vibrators. There are some knock-offs that pretty much do the same thing.

Shot Through The… Heart? Bullet Vibes

Bliss Bullet VibeCouldn’t someone have thought of a better name for these than bullet vibes? Well, I guess they do look like bullets. Bullet vibes are small external vibrators, usually attached to a battery pack by a cord. They vary in size, strength, and fancy features: some have multiple vibration patterns, and some just use a simple on/off mechanism. In my opinion, one of the greatest advantage to bullet vibes is their ability to be used during penetrative sex, since they’re small and don’t much get in the way.

A seriously under-developed subset of bullet vibes are remote-control bullet vibes. If you’ve read Purely Professional, you know that remote-control bullet vibes play a major role in some of Max and Bridget’s public play. Unfortunately, I had to take a lot of creative license to invent the perfect remote-control toy. I’ve tried two wannabes: the bNaughty and the Club Vibe 2.OH. Both, frankly, left me underwhelmed, especially given the price. The stimulation isn’t very strong, and the remote control is sporadically effective. When, oh when, will they make a good, small remote-control bullet vibe? Toy companies, get on this! And, dear readers, if you know of any good remote-control bullet vibes, leave me a comment!

The “Twice As Nice” Models

Rabbit Pearl VibratorSome vibrators are euphemistically called “Twice as Nice” models, but I suppose you could also call them “Look Ma, No Hands!” (but that’s creepy, because your mom) or “I Don’t Feel Like Doing Anything But Lying Here,” which might be the most accurate description of all. These models pair an insertable shaft with an external clitoral stimulator of some kind. These vary in complexity and price; the most elaborate might have rotating shafts, spinning pearls, multiple motors or varying vibration patterns. The “Rabbit Pearl” is probably the most popular, hitting mainstream popularity back when Ally McBeal discussed it on TV. (I’m not old, right? You all remember that show?) If you want one that mows the lawn washes the car does the dishes (damn, all these clichés sound sexual in this context!) does lots of fancy stuff, you’ll pay for the pleasure. But in a way, that’s what all vibrators are: paying for the pleasure.

The Category-Straddlers

Lily VibratorHow can I resist the urge to use the word “straddler” in my blog post? Clearly, I can’t.

Some vibrators fit in multiple categories (Heh. Fit in.) or no category at all. For example, some vibrators are made to be worn: they have harnesses to hold them in place for clitoral stimulation, or they fit over your fingers. Some vibrators are shaped for external stimulation but don’t look anything like bullets. Just because I don’t categorize it here doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying!

In Summary

Vibrators are varied and fun. They range in price point, style, and functionality, so don’t be afraid to buy many different kinds and experiment. Chances are, you’ll find something that makes you go buzz in the night, too.

 

Categories: Kink, Sex | 4 Comments

The Wide World of… Sex Toys: Part 1

Posted on April 12, 2013 by Elia Winters

 No, this post isn’t about the Wide World of Sports. If that disappoints you, you’re probably on the wrong blog. This post is about something far more interesting, at least to me.

Sex toys!

I’ve been a toy aficionado since I was just barely 18 (*cough* 17 *cough*), and in that time, I’ve watched the world of toys grow ever larger. … wait, that doesn’t sound right. I mean, new sex toys just keep coming. Wait, that isn’t right either. I mean… there are a lot of sex toys out there! In fact, I couldn’t cover them all in one post, because they just wouldn’t fit. (Ack! It just keeps happening!) So, this post is the first of several on the topic. In this series, I’ll cover some basics of sex toys and even throw out a few recommendations. I’ll tell you what’s worth splurging on… oh, hell, you know what I mean.

A Note On Shopping For Sex Toys

The pictures and links in this series are directly from Good Vibrations, a San Francisco-based shop and my personal favorite online shopping destination. If you are shopping online, I recommend them. Friends have spoken highly of Adam and Eve as well as Babeland, but I’ve never purchased from either, so I can’t speak from authority.

However, I’d ask you to consider shopping locally before shopping online. There are many women-friendly sex shops all over the country, a far cry from seedy adult bookstores with neon lights and backdoor parking lots. (Not that there’s anything wrong with a little “backdoor parking.”) I’ll always try my local shop before purchasing online, even if the price is a bit higher, because I support their ideals and their business. These proprietors offer a level of personalized service (no, not like that!) and advice you just won’t find online. Plus, the more we patronize our local shops, the more we can develop a sex-positive community at home. So strap on your courage… and anything else you might want to strap on… and head to your local shop! Chances are, the people are friendly, the prices are reasonable, and you don’t have to wait for your new prize to ship.

Without further ado, to the toys!

Dildos

The Purpose Of These Should Be Obvious.

A dildo differs from a vibrator in that it doesn’t vibrate. But beyond that, the world of dildos is huge! I mean… Oh, fuck it. The innuendoes are just going to pop up unexpectedly. <– Like that one.

Anyway, a dildo is made for penetration. It’s usually shaped somewhat like a penis. Some may have a flared base, safe for anal play… but we’ll get there. Dildos can be made of many different materials. The cheapest material is rubber. Cheap isn’t necessarily bad, and if you’re new to the world of toys, you might be reluctant to invest. But rubber is difficult to clean and harbors bacteria, so if you go that route, you should use condoms with your toys. Sound like a pain? It is. Better off spending a bit more and buying something in silicone. In addition to being far more durable than rubber, silicone has the advantage of being non-porous and easy to clean, suitable for boiling or even the top rack of your dishwasher.

Caution: don’t use silcone-based lubricants with silicone toys. They may seem made for each other… but they’re not. 

My recommendation, though, is glass. (Really, it’s Pyrex.) Glass dildos are firm and can be warmed or cooled in water. If you’re buying some fancy hand-blown item online, you might be spending a fair chunk of change, but I’ve purchased several through my local shop for around $30 each. Easy to clean, compatible with any lubricant, these toys are fantastic.

If you really want a worthwhile investment, though, splurge for a toy in stainless steel. I purchased the njoy Fun Wand on a friend’s recommendation, despite its (seemingly) ridiculous $90 price tag. Let me tell you, that toy is worth its (rather substantial) weight in pleasure. I was originally unimpressed: it seemed a bit on the puny side, girth-wise, but that angle is pure magic. Now it’s my overall favorite.

nJoy Fun Want

This thing is amazing.

Next post: Vibrators. Stay tuned…

So, readers, do you have any recommendations? Share them in the comments! Your recommendation may be featured in an upcoming blog post.  

 

 

Categories: Kink, Sex | 7 Comments

My Favorite Character Type: The Aloof Genius

Posted on April 3, 2013 by Elia Winters

It’s taken me a while to figure out that yes, when it comes to character types, I have a clear favorite. More than rugged cowboys, sensitive bad-boys, and beefy jocks, my knees go week over the aloof genius. (Or, if you prefer, the “brilliant asshole,” which is an equally accurate description.)

The aloof genius is incredibly intelligent. He has book smarts by the bucketful. (Maybe he has street smarts, maybe not. Less important.) He might be a technological genius, or a literature snob, or just plain overall Mensa-caliber. The format doesn’t matter, but he can’t be the aloof genius without being… well, a genius. Or at least really smart.

Next, he has to be arrogant. Not in the “I find no value in other people including you” way, but in the “I’m too wrapped up in my own world to be concerned with your emotions” way. He’s quite confident and has no doubts about his own abilities. This often makes him seem like a jerk.

He also has a dry sense of humor. He’s cynical and witty, with a casual sort of humor that implies he knows he’s funny, but he doesn’t need to advertise it.

It also helps if he’s a little geeky.

Now what makes him so appealing to me? A lot of my attraction definitely comes from my submissive side that wants to be dominated by a hot, brilliant guy who fucks like a romance novel stud (but with less man-titty). But there’s more than that. I find intelligence and wry humor incredibly sexy, and when you pair that with unflappable confidence, I’m a quivering ball of estrogen.

So who are some aloof geniuses I love?

Mr. Darcy 

Matthew Macfadyen Colin Firth

(source1)(source2)

(Matthew Macfadyen? Colin Firth? Does it really matter? It’s Mr. Darcy, after all…) 

I think my love for Pride and Prejudice is rooted in my attraction for Mr. Darcy, the consummate brilliant asshole. His witty repartee with Lizzy makes the book infinitely re-readable, and their sexual tension could be cut with the proverbial knife. I thoroughly enjoyed the ambitious Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife, despite the fact that it often tries too hard to be erudite, and I love it in part because we see more overtly Darcy’s smoldering sexuality combined with his delightful cleverness.

Tony Stark

robert-downey-jr-as-tony-stark-in-the-avengers

(source)

Ahh, Tony Stark. Take away your armor, and what are you? “Billionaire genius playboy philanthropist.” Also, a brilliant asshole, and I want you to do terrible things to me.

Sherlock: Robert Downey Jr. Edition

Holmes-robert-downey-jr-as-sherlock-holmes-21116579-1440-900

(source)

I seem to have an RDJ thing, don’t I? (Sidenote: does anyone else see “R2D2″ when I type that? I don’t have an R2D2 thing. Really.) But RDJ’s Sherlock is a wonderful blend of humorous and clever. In fact, almost all versions of Sherlock are the same way. Which brings me to…

Sherlock: Benedict Cumberbatch Edition

sherlock3

(source)

Maybe it’s the intense eyes, maybe it’s the curly hair, maybe it’s the Beautiful Mind-caliber brilliance (although he would say it’s just deduction), but Benedict Cumberbatch’s Sherlock gets my Brit-loving knickers in a happy, happy twist.

The Doctor

37259-doctor-who-david-tennant

(source)

I chose David Tennant for this picture because he is, far and away, my favorite Doctor. But I also love Eccleston and Smith, so I’m starting to think that it’s not actually David Tennant I love. (Wait, that’s not right. I would bang David Tennant like a screen door in a hurricane. I digress.) Really, my love is for The Doctor as a character, a powerful genius who sometimes lacks the capacity to understand humanity. He’s not aloof, exactly, but he’s often oblivious. He’s too busy saving the world to understand the world. And he’s so delightfully awkward when it comes to love and sexuality.

Sheldon Cooper

JimParsons

(source)

Say what? Maybe I should be a bit embarrassed about this one, because Sheldon Cooper is portrayed as the anti-sexy, but his hilarious obliviousness, combined with his clear brilliance, is somehow sexy to me. Don’t judge me, internet people.

New Q

Q

(source)

Sure, he’s a hipster, but he’s also a technological genius with an aloofness that makes me all fluttery inside. I could watch him type all day. New Q, I choo-choo-choose you.

Writing the Aloof Genius

I gravitate toward this character type not only in my fictional character crushes but also in the books I write. I try not to write male leads who are too aloof – I don’t really want him to be an insensitive jerk – but I enjoy that sort of reckless confidence characteristic of the Aloof Genius/Brilliant Asshole. Universally, I write smart male main characters. (Well, to be fair, I tend to write smart female main characters, too. I don’t like reading books where characters seem to be below the water mark in brains.)

For me, smart is sexy. It’s sexier than good hair, a nice smile, or a well-shaped body – although those are all fine attributes. I tend to go for tall, lean, geeky guys, as seen in much of the list above. Regardless of tall, lean geekiness, though, ultimately, it’s all about the mind. I want quick-witted characters who can banter and flirt and think on their feet. A differential equation or a penchant for Prufrock makes me all atwitter, and when it comes down to it, I will choose brains over brawn in almost any romance.

So tell me, readers! What are your favorite character types?

 

 

Categories: Erotic Romance, Reflections | 2 Comments

Fangirling: Why I always have and always will

Posted on February 22, 2013 by Elia Winters

Look up “fangirl” on Urban Dictionary, and the results will be less than flattering. Despite this, though, I don’t mind the term. It adequately names what can only be described as a series of obsessions I’ve enjoyed since childhood. I would delve into some show or film, watching it endlessly, purchasing merchandise, even – as I got older – writing fanfiction. I was a ‘shipper, although I didn’t know the term. Fangirling has defined many stages of my life. In honor of the great world of fandoms out there, I thought I’d walk you through my history, with a little navel-gazing about What It All Means.

mathnetMy first obsession was Square One TV, specifically Mathnet. I was obsessed with the character of Kate Monday. I’m not sure if she was my first girl-crush or if I just wanted to be her: smart, funny, cute in a 1980s way, unafraid to use a calculator and wear a terribly unflattering suit. My parents bought me the VHS tapes of my favorite Mathnet episodes, including “The View From the Rear Terrace.” (This episode also bears the honor of sparking my interest in bondage, but that’s a different blog post.) I ‘shipped Kate and George, my eight-year-old brain choosing to ignore the fact that he was married.

 

For those who want to watch the whole episode:

I grew out of Mathnet and into Captain Planet and the Planeteers. This was a short-lived fangirling period in my life, one that was fortunately shared by my best friend. As always in my obsessions, I was drawn into it by a ‘ship: specifically Linka and Wheeler. I’m not sure if they ever did get together, because I soon moved on to more “adult” loves.

moonlightingEnter Moonlighting. While (thanks to syndication) I came into the show several years after the series had ended, my obsession was no less rabid for being a late-adopter. I spent about two years in the clutches of this magnificent ’80s mystery-comedy-romance, using up dozens of VHS tapes to save episodes for posterity. I was probably a little too young to be watching the series, but my mother’s memory had gone foggy about all the sex (the glorious, glorious sex), and so she didn’t mind. Even now, looking back, I know how brilliant that show was. It was Bruce Willis’s first big break, and the chemistry between his character David and Cybil Shepard’s Maddie was palpable. I admired the couple, yes, but I was also enamored of the quick-witted dialogue, clever plot lines, and hilarious fourth-wall breaks.

Leia-and-Han-Solo-leia-and-han-solo-27879229-500-353Around eighth grade, I began my many-year love affair with Star Wars. (NB: I know I don’t really need to link Star Wars, but if you haven’t seen Wookieepedia, you should. Now there’s a labor of love.) Here was a fandom made for me: broad in scope and immense in scale, with a wealth of add-on content. Finally, I’d found a world large enough for my obsession. I watched the movies over and over again, read all the books, collected the merchandise, and began writing fanfiction. My personal history of fanfiction could (and will) be its own blog post, but for now, suffice to say that my first two novels were Star Wars novels. It seemed that the only thing that could kill my love of Star Wars was more Star Wars, and the prequels pretty much served that purpose. Perhaps one can only obsess about something for so long before it becomes a bit stale. I’d loved Star Wars since eighth grade, but we’d drifted apart.

After Star Wars, my obsessions became a bit less rabid. I loved X-Files, ‘shipping Mulder and Scully pretty hard. I was in college and the internet had become a thing. I learned about fanfiction, which I’d been writing without knowing it had a name. I published my first fanfiction online. (It’s still out there, by the way, archived on the internet under a pseudonym. I don’t think I’m ready to link to it.) X-Files led to other geeky loves, such as Harry Potter and Doctor Who, which I still maintain today.

I’m in my thirties now, a legitimate grownup, and fangirling isn’t something from my past. A few things have changed, though, since my youth.

  • I tend to fangirl multiple shows at once, now, rather than pouring all my love into one.
  • I’m a Real Adult With Money, so I can go to conventions and indulge myself.
  • I’m not embarrassed about my obsessions. I’m into things. To me, that’s much more interesting than not being into things.

So has it all been for naught? A lark, a time-wasting hobby? I don’t think so. I’ve thought a lot about what purpose fangirling has served for me along the way. Primarily, it was a way for me to explore my feelings about relationships. Each of my youthful obsessions was based around some kind of ‘ship. Fangirling gave me a safe space to think about love, romance, and sex as they pertained to the characters… and, ultimately, to me. As a writer, I think I became better at creating characters because of my obsessions. I have always been drawn to pairings where the characters are equals, and especially where they don’t like each other right away. Unsurprisingly, that’s now my favorite kind of romance to write. I owe at least some of it to my fangirling past.

I hope I never lose the youthful exuberance of obsessions. For years, I worried about how geeky I was. Now, I embrace it. I’m geeky. I’m into stuff. And I hope that never changes.

What about you, readers? Did you, too, have obsessions? What were they? How have they influenced you?

Categories: Reflections | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

A Defense of Erotic Romance

Posted on January 16, 2013 by Elia Winters
Source: Piotr Bizior

Source: Piotr Bizior
www.bizior.com

I love sex. I love having it, thinking about it, reading about it, and definitely writing about it. I think sex is fun and wonderful, and I think erotica and erotic romance are fantastic.

Thus it really riles me up when I see something like this on a writer’s forum:

“My characters are going to have sex, and I don’t want to end up writing erotica! What do I do?”

And, of course, everyone suggests a tasteful “fade to black,” which is great for your YA book or whatever. Not every book should have sex in it. But it’s the underlying message that irks me, the belief that I see represented each time some form of this question arises.

It’s the idea that erotica and erotic romance are somehow less than other forms of writing. If you’re not careful, your book might “end up” that way, like that slutty girl in your high school who had sex and had to drop out of school and go live with her aunt in Nebraska while she had the baby and gave it up for adoption. The underlying belief is that erotica is trashy and wrong, and you’re trashy and wrong for liking it.

Listen, accidental sex writers of the world: your attempts at the beginning of a sex scene aren’t going to turn you into an erotica writer any more than buying a violin at a yard sale will send you to Carnegie Hall. So stop worrying about it.

Furthermore, stop talking about erotica as if it’s hepatitis. It’s not something that happens to your manuscript if you write with someone else’s pen. Those of us who write erotica and erotic romance spend quite a lot of time crafting those sex scenes to make them titillate and entertain, so stop scoffing at our craft. It’s not harming anyone, and it’s not a blight on the literary landscape. Liking erotica doesn’t make me any less likely to appreciate Catch-22 or Great Expectations any more than wearing pajama pants at home makes me less likely to wear a suit to work.

Wait, those were a lot of metaphors. Am I comparing erotica to pajama pants?

Yes I am. Just as we have different outfits for different situations, so can – and should! – our reading habits vary. Different books are stimulating in different ways, and erotica and erotic romance are stimulating in at least one very delightful way. Even within those categories, though, there’s a range of options. I might be reading an erotic romance novel for the long-term commitment of character development and plot, interwoven with some very hot sex, knowing the payoff of the “happily ever after” is just as fun as the journey. Sometimes I want to pop over to Literotica.com and find some smexy little gem for a reading quickie, a one-night-stand that I don’t have to call the next day. So what’s the big deal?

The fact that I write erotic romance doesn’t mean my work is any less valuable than your Literary Fiction masterpiece. It’s just different. It serves a different purpose. Sometimes I want to be intellectually stimulated, and sometimes I want to be stimulated in other ways, and that doesn’t make me tasteless or dirty or low class. It makes a me a red-blooded woman with a healthy sexual appetite.

Finally, I hate bad writing as much as the next bibliophile. I have high standards for my erotica and erotic romance, just like I do for the other books I read. Please don’t judge an entire genre by its free offerings on the internet.

Let’s stop the literary slut-shaming.

Categories: Erotic Romance, Writing | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

2013: Gettin’ Stuff Done, Yo.

Posted on January 8, 2013 by Elia Winters

I hope after that title that you aren’t too disappointed to find out I’m not really “street.” I know! Shocker.

It’s 2013! It’s actually a full week into 2013, somehow. I’m so excited about this year. I feel like 2012 was The Year Setting Up Things That Are Going to Happen, and 2013 is The Year Where Things Happen. Or, you know, the year of “gettin’ stuff done, yo.”

First off, 2012 was good to my writing career. In 2011, I wouldn’t have believed I’d be actually using the words “writing career,” except maybe to say “I wish I had a writing career,” but there you go. Things change. In 2012, I edited Purely Professional and queried my first choice agent, the amazing Saritza Hernandez of Corvisiero Literary Agency. After reading the full, she offered representation, which was definitely the highlight of my year. Now, sitting at the beginning of 2013, I want to share my plans for the upcoming year.

Purely Professional Publication (Whoo! Alliteration!)

First off, Purely Professional is just about ready to be shopped around to publishers. To say “That’s very exciting” is like saying Rockefeller Center has a good-sized Christmas tree. It’s bloody brilliant. (Note – I’m also not British, even though I watch a lot of Top Gear and Doctor Who, which should count for something.) Every time I think about it, I squee and flap my hands a little bit… in a totally suave way. Even though I don’t have any control over the timeline, one of my 2013 hopes is to have the book in acquisitions at a publisher by the end of the year for a 2014 release. That would be fantastic.

Felicitation Edits

My next major project, which officially started last week, is to revise my Steampunk erotic romance from 2011. The working title is Felicitation, but I’m not 100% sold on that title. That might end up being the title of the collection, since there will undoubtedly be more stories coming out of this world. Mostly I just call it “That Steampunk Book.” Last week, I sat down and began world-building in a way I should probably have done before actually writing the first draft. (Research, my friends, seems to be what I do on the rewrite. I don’t necessarily recommend this method, but it’s apparently my modus operandi.) Now, I’ll start writing out my themes, sub-themes, and character arcs. After this pre-editing, I’ll begin violently eviscerating the first draft until it resembles the original only in the way that a Thanksgiving turkey carcass resembles the turkey. After the stripping down comes the building up, the beefing up, if I can use another meat metaphor. (I swear, I don’t use meat metaphors when I write sex scenes.) I’m a big fan of Holly Lisle’s One Pass Manuscript Revision technique, which I recommend to anyone who (like me) gets overwhelmed with the enormity of revision. The technique served me well on previous books and hopefully will again.

I’m planning to finish editing Felicitation by late spring.

Writing something else

I’m not sure the title needs more explanation. After editing That Steampunk Book, I’m going to write another book. I don’t know if it will be my November Nanowrimo novel, or another novel before that, but there will be Some Other Book in 2013. Maybe two other books, if I’m feeling wild.

BRTky

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miscellany

This is also the year when Elia Winters Meets The World. I’m planning to attend a few Conferences, if money and logistics permit. I’ll announce those plans here when they become finalized, so watch this space! In the meantime, I have goals about blogging more regularly and continuing to Tweet and Facebook and Tumbl along. If you aren’t following me, please do so! Links are to the right.

Here’s hoping that 2013 is an amazing year. If you, too, are Gettin’ Stuff Done, Yo, let me know in the comments!

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Guilty pleasures… without guilt?

Posted on December 29, 2012 by Elia Winters

It’s definitely a “guilty pleasures” time of year. The holidays brings out the best in indulgences, from rich food and drink to staying up late and sleeping in the next day. This time of year, I’m spending a lot of time just goofing off with my husband and partaking in these and many other “guilty pleasures,” and I’ve been thinking about the guilt part of it. I’m no stranger to guilt. Some was ingrained in me by my upbringing, and some I bring on myself. Sometimes I can’t help thinking that if I’m having fun, there must be something wrong. Surely I should be miserable and suffering, right?

What purpose does my guilt serve, anyway? Guilt is different than just the awareness that I’m making “bad” choices. Guilt continues to work long after the bad choices are made.

I think I want to do away with guilt. When I make choices that don’t serve me, I want to learn from them and move on. But those other times? The times when I choose to indulge? Then fuck guilt. I refuse to feel guilty for enjoying dessert, alcohol, sex toys, midday naps, fanfiction, and pop music.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to dissolve into hedonistic abandon, forsaking work and responsibility for bacon and credit card debt. I still want to get in shape, to eat better, to read the classics and clean my house. But I don’t think it’s an either-or. I’m not an ascetic.

So I guess this is my New Year’s Resolution, if like me you’re the type of person to believe in such things. In 2013, I resolve to try to enjoy the pleasures of life without guilt, and to try and find moderation that lets me enjoy my life while also making it better every day.

Bring on 2013.

Categories: Reflections | Tags: | Leave a comment

Winning NaNoWriMo: The Final Week

Posted on November 24, 2012 by Elia Winters

We’re just one week away from the end of Nanowrimo. I’ve been quiet on the blog front lately, mostly plugging away at my own novel, plus a bit of posting on the main Nanowrimo forums and in the Nanowrimo Facebook group. But now that the end is in sight, I thought it was time for another blog post.

If you’re Nanoing this year, then at this point in the month, you’ve probably decided whether or not you’re going to win. You may not have admitted that decision to yourself, either way, but I’ll bet you’ve made it.

To those of you who have decided to win, congratulations! That’s the hardest part. Keep on plugging away.

To those of you who have decided you’re not going to win, allow me to throw down a challenge. Change your mind.

Yes, I understand that life happens, and sometimes we feel it is the right thing to prioritize other obligations over our novel. I don’t know your circumstances; only you do. Knowing that 67% of statistics are made up on the spot, though, I’ll hazard a guess that 95% of the people who quit could definitely finish if they decided to do so. The hardest part is making the decision. The rest is managing it.

I’ve been a little hard on quitters in the past. I do have a certain respect for unapologetic quitters, those who say, “You know what? I’m not willing to put in the time this takes. I have xyz going on right now, and I’m just not going to put xyz aside.” I think that’s fine. The quitters who drive me batshit crazy, though, are the whiny quitters, the ones who refuse to take responsibility for their own success or failure in this crazy one-month noveling process. They’re easy to spot on the forums. “Oh, I can’t write 50K by the end of this month because I have a cold/just got fired/just got hired/have kids/have a REAL job/have a lot of homework/blah blah blah.” My response? If you really want to win, then win. Put aside your excuses and type the fucking novel. Put your butt in the chair, your fingers to the keyboard, and create something that never existed before. If it were really important to you, you’d get it done.

If you just felt your hackles go up, especially if you didn’t know you had “hackles” before, then pause before lambasting me in the comments. If you’re unapologetically quitting because you need to prioritize other things in your life, then stop apologizing. Just quit, and write the novel some other time. Or don’t, whatever. I don’t really care; I just want you to be happy from my little corner of New England. But if you want to win and you’ve already made up reasons why it’s impossible, then maybe my challenge is meant for you.

Imagine that the story you’ve made up about why you can’t finish is just that: a story you’ve made up. It’s not real. It’s no more real than any of the other stories you make up to explain the events of your life, the ones you treat as reality. Reality is subjective. (Whoa, too metaphysical? Sorry, I’ve been writing sexy sex all month and storing up my philosophical rants, so they might leak out here.) Your explanation of your circumstances can either be the reason you stop or the reason you continue.

I want to challenge you to win Nanowrimo. Last month, I said that winning was a decision, and I still believe it is. No matter how far behind you are, decide to win. Right now. Be willing to step forward, to take a risk in your life rather than lingering in the shallows of mediocrity. Aren’t you tired of being mediocre? Of never committing? Of settling for less than your best? To decide to win is to risk failure. You’ll never be able to say, “Oh, but I didn’t really try.” But that’s where the magic happens! Put your heart into it. Proclaim your intentions loudly, and give it your best attempt. If you fall short, you will still have achieved more than everyone who sat tentatively on the sidelines, paralyzed by indecision, until November 30th came crashing down and they never had to make that decision at all. As I say to my students all the time, be bold with your uncertainty.

If you want to win, here are a few strategies to help.

  • Word Wars and Sprints. You can find these on the main Nanowrimo forums, as well as on Twitter (#nanosprints or #nanowordsprints). Join a sprint for 10, 15, 30, or 60 minutes, and race your competitors.
  • Dr. Wicked’s Write or Die. This devious program got me through several Nanowrimos. You can set the grace period and the consequences, and just wait to see what happens. It’s available as a free Web App, but if you find it helpful, support the program and purchase the desktop or iPad app.
  • Headphones and Noveling Music. I’m as easily distracted as a raccoon in a room full of mirrors, so when I write, I have to tune out the world. I put on my headphones and tune into Pandora’s Symphonic station. (I can’t novel well to music with words.) Choose your own noveling music and your preferred program, whatever it is, and block out those pesky distractions.
    • I like to pair this with the Countdown Clock on Online-Stopwatch, which is just what it sounds like, and which I have as a widget on my iGoogle. (By the way, what the hell is up with iGoogle closing next year? Sadness.) I set the countdown for a standard length of time and just type, type, type. It’s like a sprint with myself.
  • Be cruel to be kind. No, that doesn’t mean you have to listen to a lot of Nick Lowe. It means you should withhold treats until you reach certain milestones, and then reward yourself. These treats can be candy, games, or favorite television shows, but they can also be bathroom breaks, meals, and sleep. Hey, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

To have your ass kicked mercilessly, please head over to Terrible Minds and bend over.

Good luck, people. The end is in sight. Now I’m going to go back to singing Nick Lowe.

Categories: nanowrimo, Writing | Leave a comment

NaNoWriMo Week 2: What’s Wrong With My Novel

Posted on November 9, 2012 by Elia Winters

It’s week 2 of Nanowrimo, fellow writers, and that usually means a dark slide into quiet despair. (Or loud despair, if the forums are any indication.) Even after all these years of winning Nanowrimo, I am not immune to the week 2 doldrums, and Playing Knotty is giving me a hell of a difficult time. With that in mind, I thought I would share with you all What’s Wrong With My Novel.

The Problems

My main character is inconsistent.

Seriously, I thought I had her motivations pretty well sketched out back in October, but she can’t seem to decide if she’s a boldly adventurous sexual wildcat or just going along with things because she thinks that’s what she’s “supposed” to do. She has mixed feelings about the men in her life, and not in the kind of way that adds depth to the character; her mixed feelings just make it seem like I don’t know what the hell her motivations are.

The mood of my scenes is inconsistent.

In a bad way. I had a scene that took place at a BDSM play party where I changed my mind four times in the middle of the scene about what the tone was. (A lot of this had to do with my damned inconsistent main character.) Thus it goes from sexy-sexy to uncomfortable-uncomfortable and tries to find a middle ground… unsuccessfully. I just want that scene to crawl in a hole and die.

My descriptions are terrible.

As I attempt to avoid the “main character looks in mirror” death sentence of character description, I end up with these sort of awkward descriptions that don’t really describe anything well. How in the world do you describe that current fashion in men’s facial hair where they have the beginnings of a beard, but it’s cut so short that it just looks scruffy, but not in the hobo sort of way? Like, neatly trimmed scruff? But doesn’t “neatly trimmed scruff” sound like a terribly unromantic description of pubic hair? I’m facing these dilemmas with every kind of physical description so far.

No one is having sex yet.

This is an erotic romance book that, so far, has no sex and very little romance. It’s taken far too long to get anywhere NEAR the sexy sexy, and the pacing is way, way off.

Why I Don’t Care About Any Of This At All

I don’t care about any of this at all because it’s Nanowrimo and I have faith in the process. I’ve done this enough to remember, albeit vaguely, that I always have problems with my novels. They aren’t always these particular problems, but they’re problems, and they always seem insurmountable and horrible and creativity-killing while I’m facing them. But see, I trust the process, and I know that by the end of the month, I’ll have figured out what my main character’s motivations are. And I’ll know what the mood of my scenes was supposed to be. I’ll know what everyone looks like. People will be having sex.

This is why we edit, folks. We edit because our novels have problems, and in the middle of writing, we don’t have the perspective it takes to fix it. I can’t even always identify the problems while I’m writing! But after November, after December, probably after January, I can come back to this novel and see what’s wrong with it, and I’ll be able to fix it, no matter what havoc I’m wreaking on the world of fiction at the current time. I have great faith in Future Me. Future Me will have her shit together, and she’ll polish this rock up into some kind of gleaming diamond.

I know rocks don’t make diamonds unless they’re coal and superheated and under tons of pressure, but don’t ruin my metaphor, okay? I’ll fix it in the spring sometime. For now, I have a novel to write.

 

 

Categories: nanowrimo | 2 Comments

Blog Hop! Answering Questions about Purely Professional

Posted on November 7, 2012 by Elia Winters

I volunteered for this Blog Hop when I heard about it from the fabulous K. Latham at Writing Before Dawn. I’d never heard of a Blog Hop before, but it sure sounded like fun. It’s like a chain letter, only it doesn’t contain some kind of crappy rhyme about friendship, it doesn’t cost any postage, no dollars come in the mail, and no one dies if I do it wrong. At least, I don’t think anyone dies. I’m sure that would have been in the fine print.

So here are ten interview questions about my novel. Be sure you check out the bottom of this post for more Blog Hop goodness!

Ten Interview Questions for The Next Big Thing

1. What is the working title of your book? 

Purely Professional

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?

Purely Professional started life as my 2010 NaNoWriMo, which also happened to be my 10-year Nanoversary. I realized that I wanted to write something fun, something for the pure joy of writing, something to indulge my fantasies and kinks. I started listing all my ideas, and with a little finagling, this premise was born. 

3. What genre does your book fall under?

It’s BDSM erotic romance. 

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

This has been asked of me several times, and I’ve given it quite a lot of thought. First off, no one would make a movie out of this because of its genre. But if they were going to do so anyway, here are my casting choices.

Bridget - Maria Thayer
Max –  Hmm.. maybe Benedict Cumberbatch, Ewan McGregor or Matthew Morrison, even though the IMDB profile pictures for ALL of them look kind of… well, douchey.
(Note: This one was much harder for me. Max needs to be next-door-neighbor friendly, but sexy, a little dangerous, a little unpredictable. Got suggestions? Leave me a comment! 

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

A journalist explores the submissive side of her sexuality under the guidance of her Dominant neighbor.

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

My novel is being represented by Saritza Hernandez of the Corvisiero Literary Agency.  

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Well, it was a Nanowrimo novel, so I did the whole first draft within November 2010. Less than 30 days of crazed writing. I did some half-assed edits over the next few months. Finally, this past spring, I sat down and spent a good three months of devoted work time editing it so it would be ready for submission. 

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Honestly, I’m not sure. I’m going to wuss out on this question. The only “BDSM” book many people have heard of has a number and a color in its title, but that book is such a misrepresentation of BDSM lifestyle that I don’t consider it part of the genre. It’s been a gateway book to get people into reading erotica, though, and I don’t mind that. 

9. Who or What inspired you to write this book?

Welp, that’s a heck of a question. I wrote this book before the number/color book was popular, so it wasn’t a response to that, or inspired by it or anything. Honestly, I wanted to present a book that involved BDSM but didn’t involve a full-time Dom/sub relationship. I wanted to create characters who had an equal relationship but hot Dom/sub bedroom action. I’m happy with how it’s turned out. 

Also, it’s fun to write sex. I like reading sex, and writing sex is just as fun, because I get total control over what happens to my characters. So let’s just say this book is a manifestation of many of my kinks, and leave the rest to imagination. 

10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

Purely Professional is accessible to the reader who knows nothing about BDSM without insulting the lifestyle or its participants. I also have a penchant for writing both toys and bondage, so  those “crop up” quite a bit.

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All right, folks! Don’t forget to check out the following blogs next week on November 14th for more exciting Blog Hop action!

S. Kay’s Storys

Books & Other Creative Adventures

Travelling without Moving

A Medical Student and An Author

Ink Out Loud

Scarring Words

 

 

Categories: nanowrimo, Writing | 1 Comment