Solo Kink: BDSM and Masturbation

Today, I want to talk to you about solo kink, specifically BDSM and masturbation. It is National Masturbation Month, after all, in case you’re stopping by the blog for the first time today and have missed the common thread in all my posts. The fact is, not everyone into kink is in a partnered relationship, and even those of you who are, might not be partnered with someone kinky.

Without getting into my personal history of BDSM – which I will do soon, I promise – I can share that for most of my life, I was either not partnered or not partnered with someone kinky. This meant that my only explorations with kink were done solo. For many of you, this may also be your experience, and it doesn’t have to mean you can’t enjoy kink on your own or with an internet friend.

First off, let’s be clear: there are things you can’t do alone. You can’t set up inescapable bondage. You can’t surprise yourself. But other than that, well, there’s a lot of stuff you can do on your own if you’re kinky and you want to play. My content is designed for subs, because that’s my inclination.

Self-Bondage

Self-bondage is one of those things that can be great when done safely, and when done wrong, ends up with an embarrassing news story that ruins your online reputation or worse. There are a lot of really hot self-bondage stories online, many of which are not at all safe to attempt.

Safety first when doing self-bondage. The simplest, safest method is to not tie your hands at all, but bind other parts of your body: legs, breasts, genitals. You could also bind one hand but leave the other free. Using cuffs with dogbone clips that you can reach is an alternative to rope, giving you the feeling of restraint without the actual restrictions. Whatever you do, make sure you can get out of it, even with numb fingers. Keep scissors handy, just in case. Don’t get elaborate.

If you must get elaborate, there are ice locks and other devices to ensure your timed restraint. These give me the heebie-jeebies, personally: hot in fantasy, but what if the house catches fire? Okay, your ice lock would probably melt faster, but… still. Come on. Seems too risky for me. If you are practicing any kind of elaborate self-bondage, have a friend who knows to call if you haven’t texted in an hour or so. If you don’t want to reveal your kinky secrets to your friends, then don’t get so elaborate with your bondage, or make up a cover story. Whatever.

The psychological effects of bondage are as strong as the physical, so look for ways to heighten the experience without compromising safety. Restrain your other limbs more strictly. Blindfold yourself, if this won’t hinder your ability to release yourself. There are plenty of scenarios and instructions online, but please, safety first.

Self-bondage and breath play do not mix, ever. Honestly, in my opinion, solo breath play should never be practiced by anyone.

Online Teases and Challenges

There are a number of blogs running tease and challenge instructions for kinksters.

PleasureTorture is one of my favorites. There are a number of audio teases giving instructions, and it feels almost like you’ve got a Dom right there telling you what to do.

Sadistic-Games offers up 30 Days of Sadism (and then 31 Days of Sadism, if you want more) which are some fun challenges. By fun, I mean fun for a blog named Sadistic Games. SG, as I refer to him, is a pretty awesome guy with a hot, hot blog, and his challenges are fantastic.

FemSubDenial has a whole link to female masturbation instructions that you might enjoy. He reblogs my porn blog sometimes, so we’re cool.

As you can tell, I’m a big fan of Tumblr porn, and these are just three lovely ones.

Cyber Sex

Cyber Sex! Just typing it feels like the late 90s to me. Or the early naughties. Whatever. Cyber sex is any kind of online video or text-based sex play with a real person via the magic of the internet. It’s fun! I wrote a whole post about Kik sexting to share my experiences.

You can find people for play through groups on Fetlife, if you’re so inclined. Please note that I said groups on Fetlife, not random people you message and ask to sext with you. Use the Kik groups. There are people looking for play. Find them.

As always, be safe on the internet, folks! Be careful of who you show your face and identifying marks to, because there’s always a chance it’ll end up elsewhere on the internet, and like glitter, the internet is forever.

General Solo Kink Play

There are other kinky things you can do on your own.

  • Spank yourself! Yes, it’s definitely possible, especially with implements. Paint stirrers and rulers are easy implements to work with.
  • Write on yourself, naughty words and phrases that turn you on, in places no one else will see them.
  • Discreet public bondage. A karada rope harness, for example, can be worn under clothing. A crotch rope is even more discreet. (Warning: naked people at that link!) Or you could always just go out in public without underwear or wearing a plug or other subtle toy.
    • Remember, strangers did not consent to being part of your kink, so don’t involve them or do anything that could alert others to your predicament.
  • Play with ice. Toothpaste is also a fun stimulant. (And Icy Hot, if you really want to wake yourself up.)
  • Play the dice game. Use an actual D6 or a random dice roller app. On 6, you get to come. Any other number is the number of edges you get to complete.
    • Warning: I know someone who played the dice game for four days before a 6 came up. How lucky do you feel?

Kink is fun with a partner, but it’s also fun solo. Set yourself challenges, blog about your experiences, or just cultivate some really naughty fantasies. You are, after all, in control of your sexual destiny.

Twitter Poll

Yesterday, we learned that 46% of respondents watch or read porn when masturbating at least some of the time, and 38% do it all the time.

Might I recommend some erotic romance novels? 😉

Here’s today’s poll:

Today’s Gif

A person in a plaid shirt dances while rollerblading down a hallway alone
Masturbation isn’t just for people without partners. Solo-sex time can be rejuvenating for everyone.

One thought on “Solo Kink: BDSM and Masturbation


  1. I have now fallen down a rabbit hole of links, I’m not sure if I want to thank you or curse you!

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